Saudade , Ever since I read the word the falling in love part happened sooner. But I was skeptical about the thing –writing a whole post on that deep word ,as I read in an article last week – “When your life has more memories than ambition, consider yourself old. When all you have to talk about is how you did this in the past or how you did that in the past, how you were amazing a decade ago or how you were so incredible back then. When you no longer live your present or look up to your future, when all you do is reknit the same stories in the present using yarn of the past, you are old. An unfailing sign of the one who feels old within is they mostly talk about their past.” – I AM NOT OLD – was something my head thought and decided not to think about any glories that “Past” offered me – in short, no nostalgia anymore..till today..
Today I am going to share my saudade with the world and I know everyone goes through this… It’s about The Me Saudade – nostalgia over my own image that’s hiding somewhere in the past and I don’t find her anywhere nowadays, not even in my shadow and very often try to find it, try to restore it..!
The first thing that I miss about myself is the carefree attitude that I once had .The you-can -talk-things-without-thinking days of mine; when there was no fear of getting judged , no boss over head to monitor the actions , no email etiquette , no over sensitive “I can be hurt by your success” type of friends. I miss the purity in my thoughts and actions. Rules break us and make us robotic human beings. I know , I know, I can never be that ME again.. Le sigh!
Next, I miss myself in reading room, lost in the world of books. I used to be a quiz champion in school ( and becoming a quiz show host (ess) was one of my many other dreams) and information used to be limited within the book covers and on the pages of the freshly printed newspapers, those days..those days when internet did not make knowledge easy and randomly accessible. Not that it’s bad..It’s good and progressive..Just that I don’t find myself in reading rooms anymore..;) nowadays all I do is multitasking -searching knowledge not in the brain but on either Safari or Chrome..!
The third and last part of my saudade about myself is one important thing- something I lost over time and miss a lot every now and then – that’s me with an awesome metabolism..;)..Yes, you read it right!..I think until a few years ago , it existed in my life ( not in nostalgia..but in LIFE ) and I don’t how slowly or quickly it vanished. :D….I never gained an extra pound after eating cakes with fatty frosts, sugary -syrapy indian sweets , salty crunchy fried trans fats ,cheezy pizzas, spicy red meat curries , sugary-carbonated- aerated- caffeinated cold drinks..I don’t eat/drink some of them anymore…and how I miss those days when I could eat anything and stayed the same even without hitting the gym or doing any cardio.!...In the process of change , we won’t be same forever..! And I am happy as long as I ‘m better :D..
The Afterword :There are other things too in a girl’s life to invite nostalgia over and over..the best friends in school and colleges ( who don’t exist in life anymore & we just love them in our memories;) ); the old roads; the small restaurants with world’s best food, family, family time, festival times with cousins , uncles , aunts, grandparents ;first job; first salary ;old clothes,books,pens, hair clips with memories attached…
I am sure, family is always there for all of us..no matter how much the distance is ..sometimes (And I am just their little girl whenever I am with them)!..I am also sure that old clothes/friends go just to make space for the new and better ones…the ones promise me to make newer and better memories..I am such a boring optimist nowadays..;)
Thank you Rara for the prompt..