A page left on the stage..

Whimsical grief

 

Sometimes the world looks so surreal that I keep the door of my mind shut for days; as weeks keep marching on to nowhere, clocks keep waking up again after every 12 hours, flakes of happiness appear to clear the cloud around me, I open the door again, to welcome the worldly brightness of honesty and care.

It’s 9th already, I could not write anything in December; it was not a planned escape; it was a pause of poignancy I felt for a week . 

I can’t tell you the what-s and why-s. Because , any grief is like a fever ; it keeps burning you deep inside , like a wildfire ; but strangely it does not come out of you to burn the windy pace of your outside world. Everything happens just like other days , everyone notices you and calls you “the happy one” without touching your fevered soul .

About grief , once I told a friend that grief and happiness both do increase when you share them. That’s my personal solution I learned from various experiences . I am happy to share my happiness with people like an ant who calls its army to have a after-food party, like a migratory bird who spreads its happy wings with all other like-minded birds and flies to one unknown destination to celebrate harmony. But when it comes to my personal sadness, I create a cocoon around me so that no other external force can destroy me more during that period.

I know this solution is different. I, mostly, meet people who have thousand sad stories to share. I know people who see the glass half empty all the time. I know most of the sad secrets of my best pals, family members [ that’s what makes me “likable” in a real world]. I listen to them often, give my solutions [ if asked ] and share my happiness with them. But I never could serve my own sorrow to them. My world does not work that way.

People notice only what they want to notice. A glass ,half full or half empty.

Also I don’t like hollow noise when I am sad; I don’t like the sound of emptiness when I crave for purity and I don’t like meaningless words when I want the pages to be blank to welcome newness to replace odds and wrongs.

***

2012 was a significant year of my life, a year that I do not want to see again though it left so many lessons.  In December, last year, I made a long list of things for 2013, most of the things worked out. I outgrew my own ambition, I finally could find out the worst ingredients in my own reality and I cleared the thin threads that were holding me back and changing me to someone I never knew.

During the process, I discovered so many new ways and turnouts for one single destination . Sometimes the world shows you its own road; and sometimes it feels like the only road available to take your journey forward. But, it’s not true. 2013 teaches me one important thing- this world is big, even if I spread wings every month and fly miles, still it stays big. And in a big world, there’s no place for small fears and sorrows. More important things lie in the details that I disregard while sketching my landscape.

If I don’t prefer the available ears to tell my tales, I know now that I can easily find countless inspiring souls available in the world to listen and give me unasked encouragement. I just have to broaden my boundary an inch, every second! 

***

**  I am going to write more this month. No, I am not going to any blog competition. I have many things to talk, many people to celebrate until the freezing morning of another new year reveals good hopes and brightness.

*** How do you deal with personal grief? Do you find solace in the company of books? Do you share your sadness with people you love?

16 thoughts on “A page left on the stage..

  1. I deal with personal grief in much the way you wrote you do; ” I create a cocoon around me so that no other external force can destroy me more during that period.” I like the silence of the cocoon while I resolve whatever is causing me sadness or, if I can’t resolve it, while I learn to accept it.

    1. We think alike , C.K. 🙂 There were times when I felt it. 🙂

      “if I can’t resolve it, while I learn to accept it.” – is the best way to live , right ? 🙂 Thank you . 🙂

  2. Hi Archita, you write the most sensitive issues in most beautiful way. My sorrows are only mine and my happiness is for all to share. In childhood I learned from Rahim who said ‘ Rahim keep your sorrows to your self, everyone will laugh and no one will share it.’ Jagjeet sing’s one song is ‘ Apna gam le ke kahin aur na jaaya jaaye, Ghar mein bikhari hui cheezon ko jamaaya jaaye’ I believe and follow that.

  3. It never ceases to amaze me how insensitive most people can be. I truly believe that being able to listen to another person is a gift (I have met very few people who know how to listen). Most of the time people who are struggling with a problem just need someone to listen. I agree that we should take the hurts we experience from others and make sure we do not become like them.

    There is a grove of Quaking Aspen on the road to the Mt. Talac trail head that looks the same. We have walked this road many times between Camp Shelly and Fallen Leaf Lake. Did you know that all the Quaking Aspens in a grove are genetically the same.?

    1. That’s the amusing part – people who are ready to share everything with you are not necessarily the ones with good ears or good hearts ! 🙂 But Patrick , sometimes it feels like a deaf world , sometimes it feels like someone should go to mute the empty noises ..but , these are the smaller errors in the system .

      Otherwise , I have come across pretty awesome people too , seeing them I definitely changed a few perspectives. I still do not share my sadness with anyone , but I know , if I can forget my past experiences with a few bad ones and outgrow them , I can replace my memory with goodness of people . Good people are there too. And in December , I will celebrate many of them .

      Really? quaking aspens all are same? Wow! I can tell you where I saw them . We parked the car inside the fallen leaf campground ( 1 mile approx.); the shorter hiking trails were on the right side of the campground ; but we kept walking straight ahead and after hiking for more than another mile , the forest became thicker and more silent – I found these trees there. Later , we had to stop because we were following a wrong direction and because someone scared us with stories of bears. 🙂 we were the only two walking there, without network coverage ! 😀 So, we could not see what was ahead and took other shorter routes ( .5 miles) to fallen leaf lake.Fallen leaf is pretty amazing ; but it was too noisy when I visited this time. I heard people can spend a day watching salmons there! 🙂

  4. What I see on this post is vibrant writing and a strong heart. Thank you for sharing this page with us, the world. 🙂

    1. Thank you , Arka, for the support and your words. I do not know if it will help anyone ; but people are full of strange stories and experiences ; thank god!, we have enough words to express our feelings right? 🙂

  5. I wish you good luck , whatever is bothering you or bothered you will vanish.Time kills everything slowly. Enjoy your days.You have gifted thought process that’s visible on pictures you take and words you share. Take care.

  6. To me, grief is a process – first of denial, then of slow,hard learning and finally, acceptance. Hope the season ahead renews and heals you. Love.
    Btw, a great picture!

  7. Personal grief? I have way too much. I have been called “stoic” by those who know me. I only talk with those whom I trust (which are very few). I don’t look at the glass as half empty or half full. I see a glass that is to large for its contents. 🙂 I internalized way too much.

      1. Once I told a friend a few words of personal sadness , he made fun of it while forgetting how every time I listened to his vast stories of grief and sadness , patiently . Once after being labeled as “selfish” by a lady who talked ill about everyone , I had to share one minor sad part I had in my life that time – she shared that little story with every single ones in her circle ; some people celebrate others sadness and that stops me from sharing ; that might be one reason I make cocoon when I feel sad.

        People use too many labels on others – “stoic ” , “fake happy”, “too strong” ,”boring “, “introvert” as per their own judgment. 🙂 I think the goal has to be how not to be like any of them in this life. right ?

        Thank you for the compliment . I clicked this picture when we lost our way during a lengthy hike around fallen leaf lake.. 🙂

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