Sometimes the world looks so surreal that I keep the door of my mind shut for days; as weeks keep marching on to nowhere, clocks keep waking up again after every 12 hours, flakes of happiness appear to clear the cloud around me, I open the door again, to welcome the worldly brightness of honesty and care.
It’s 9th already, I could not write anything in December; it was not a planned escape; it was a pause of poignancy I felt for a week .
I can’t tell you the what-s and why-s. Because , any grief is like a fever ; it keeps burning you deep inside , like a wildfire ; but strangely it does not come out of you to burn the windy pace of your outside world. Everything happens just like other days , everyone notices you and calls you “the happy one” without touching your fevered soul .
About grief , once I told a friend that grief and happiness both do increase when you share them. That’s my personal solution I learned from various experiences . I am happy to share my happiness with people like an ant who calls its army to have a after-food party, like a migratory bird who spreads its happy wings with all other like-minded birds and flies to one unknown destination to celebrate harmony. But when it comes to my personal sadness, I create a cocoon around me so that no other external force can destroy me more during that period.
I know this solution is different. I, mostly, meet people who have thousand sad stories to share. I know people who see the glass half empty all the time. I know most of the sad secrets of my best pals, family members [ that’s what makes me “likable” in a real world]. I listen to them often, give my solutions [ if asked ] and share my happiness with them. But I never could serve my own sorrow to them. My world does not work that way.
People notice only what they want to notice. A glass ,half full or half empty.
Also I don’t like hollow noise when I am sad; I don’t like the sound of emptiness when I crave for purity and I don’t like meaningless words when I want the pages to be blank to welcome newness to replace odds and wrongs.
2012 was a significant year of my life, a year that I do not want to see again though it left so many lessons. In December, last year, I made a long list of things for 2013, most of the things worked out. I outgrew my own ambition, I finally could find out the worst ingredients in my own reality and I cleared the thin threads that were holding me back and changing me to someone I never knew.
During the process, I discovered so many new ways and turnouts for one single destination . Sometimes the world shows you its own road; and sometimes it feels like the only road available to take your journey forward. But, it’s not true. 2013 teaches me one important thing- this world is big, even if I spread wings every month and fly miles, still it stays big. And in a big world, there’s no place for small fears and sorrows. More important things lie in the details that I disregard while sketching my landscape.
If I don’t prefer the available ears to tell my tales, I know now that I can easily find countless inspiring souls available in the world to listen and give me unasked encouragement. I just have to broaden my boundary an inch, every second!
** I am going to write more this month. No, I am not going to any blog competition. I have many things to talk, many people to celebrate until the freezing morning of another new year reveals good hopes and brightness.
*** How do you deal with personal grief? Do you find solace in the company of books? Do you share your sadness with people you love?