As it turned 9 PM on 31st night, the host of the new year party that we were attending asked everyone, ” What is your New Year’s resolution?” I drew a blank. I never made a set of resolutions for myself . I mostly follow a theme for my life every year, a theme that goes well with certain goals and lessons from experiences for at least ten out of twelve months.
“I am planning to travel alone this year,” was my second response after a pause. Don’t ask me what my other response was, I don’t remember at all. No, I don’t drink alcohol.
In 2014, I traveled alone for more than a month and honestly I felt good, reading and walking down some familiar lanes during the alone time; but it was not great for our marriage. Nothing went wrong between us, but a lot of well wishers around us made me feel little guilty about it. Sometimes I play like a cool social animal too and take certain set of people full of lousy opinions pretty seriously.
On 1st of Jan morning, my friends and family members filled up all the empty spaces of Facebook by putting their resolutions- of having a baby, graduating a baby, stanford-ing a baby, to marrying a baby- plus other jumbo sized sentences that will not matter after a month, or one good experience with good people. I wondered why I didn’t come up with some resolutions for my life. Then I realized, maybe I am content with where I am today in life. That is good, right? I have a blog, a loving family, a workable mind, and a few not-yet-achieved-ambitions peeking out from last year. Or maybe I am turning to a lazy lunatic without missions, visions and a multi-colored vision board on my wall.
I am not perfect. I mean, I surely can work on myself to be more organized, can try harder to be skinny again, can try to write big words on Facebook to draw attention, can be more famous in my inner circle by sweet-talking, can stop putting efforts to shape little things, can write 365 posts in stead of just 87 posts, can try to get billion hits, can start loving selfish human beings finally, can try taking my selfie everywhere. But overall, I am happy without trying them too. I lived thirty long years without doing any of them.
But one thing was killing still. Blame Facebook and all noises. Isn’t there something that I can fix in my life, in 2015? Should I add more Brussels sprouts in my diet? Or Should I stop shaping my eye-brows?
It’s 6th of Jan finally. And I have found some profound ambitions. Just 5 days ago, I told my husband that 2015 is going to be a year in which I will focus mostly on growing up nicely, and helping others grow too.
5 days passed since then. I scrutinized my life little more.
A few quick-fixes for myself for now:
- Don’t be scared of tears: It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to have complete emotional melt-down at a busy burger joint. This life is going to be a roller-coaster ride. There will be ups, which I will celebrate by drinking a cup of hot and beautiful Darjeeling Tea; there will be downs, which I have to accept by crying, by making lists, by laughing out loud at my own errors.
- Be Brave: I’m fiercely independent and love helping people the second they call. But sometimes people forget that I need their help too. I also have 24 hours per day and one life to live. Sometimes I talk myself out of helping manipulative people, spending hours to help a nagging friend shopping, cheering for dorky marvels when they are unhappy at their corporate shelves. But this year I am going to be brave and ask for help when I need it. Even if that’s for a microsecond. Even if I’m denied help, lied, shown the door. It will help me to have balance. Hopefully.
- Say “No” more: I spend at least 36 hours in a year, regretting my decisions: mostly related to my assertiveness. That’s tiny. And I say No a lot. But still I have to perfect that skill to grow up gracefully.
- Invest time rightly: Time does not stop for anyone. There are days when writing comes to me easily, but I dedicate my time to Gilmore girls, Madmen, House of Cards, 30 Rock. There are days when I hear sounds in my mind but they don’t want to travel anywhere else, at least not to blank papers or editors. In 2015, I want to make sure I am investing my time properly: I’m writing more; I’m taking a photography class; I’m playing Sudoku everyday.
- Eat Healthy, Think healthy: I’m practicing mindfulness for more than a year now. Along with healthy eating and exercises, mindfulness helps to control my reactions, thoughts. I don’t get upset or angry with the world if the world does not agree with me on certain things. No one ever could control the world! There are too many rights and wrongs in this world, and there are times when I feel helpless that those wrongs cannot be fixed, but most of the time I’m thankful about being in a world that has lots of rights too. Focusing on what is important helps me to calm down. Well, aging helps too.
What’s about your 2015? What is your resolution for the year, and coming years?