I didn’t grow up with having too many choices. I re-read books because the choices were limited. I ate the same breakfast on all five weekdays and drank the same kind of milk that local milkman delivered to our house. My childhood was years away from the last decade.
And I am happy that I got lucky to have a normal childhood. Life is simple when options are numbered.
It’s the seventh day in 2020. In the evenings in the past days, I saw way too many people in the gym, running fast to better health. It’s a trend in January every year.
“What is your new year resolution?”
“Just running an hour everyday and cutting carbs! What’s yours?”
“I have one. Acceptance to another choice. When the gym is full, I will take a walk in the cold. Maybe just a light stroll after the sun blankets himself in the cloud and the birds are too cold to be out in the open. I will warm my thoughts, and let my nose turn red and frozen. In that short fleeting moment I will be more like myself, happy about the path I followed. There’s always another choice.”
There is always another choice.
I remember myself, a decade ago, standing before the yogurt aisle in the grocery store, undecided, thinking about which yogurt to pick for a light snack. There were too many options- plain, vanilla, honey, peach, strawberry, greek, dairy-free. And every choice felt like the one I should have had chosen.
It’s a hard life when so many paths are open.
In the last decade, I met people who didn’t eat gluten-y bread but binged on pita chips, people who drank buttery bullet coffee but snacked on dairy free cashew milk yogurt, people who wrote about veganism yet wore real leather, people who practiced yoga while ignoring the race that started it all, people who talked about empathy while choosing to stay in a narcissist’s cocoon. In a way, life showed me all the choices, their well defined textures, twists and turns, and all the versions that I could have been if I followed any. I have experienced two decades worth experiences in a single one and I have seen how people become the products of their choices.
So here I am, writing on the seventh day, about a new year. No big deal. Time has not been my favorite friend in the past year. Most of my writings stayed in my head. There has been always something more important and I chose that over my writing.
Somebody asked me a month ago if I plan my “contents” for this blog. I started blogging twelve years ago because I was new in a city, a city that was too painful to live. I used to hate the name blogging. I used to call the process- writing my thoughts. It was anecdotal, preserving memories in a place. In the last year, suddenly the unconstrained world of blogging changed- it became commercial, targeting an audience by influencing on instagram, with plans and strategy for a “content”, either to sell wisdom or a product. And I realize, even though I own a space of my own in the web, pay for it from my pocket, I don’t do it to sell anything.
So what will I choose for my writing this year? Should I sell something on this blog? Should I talk more about the world I see through my colored glasses? I am not sure.
But here are couple of bullet points I will check from now.
- There will be more thoughts on taking care of mental health. Especially about things that bring joy to me. The little things, a child’s giggle, spotting sea lions in an empty shore, smell of old books, memories of my grandma, every good people I come across on my journey- I want to save them in memory and celebrate them.
- There will be more photographs and less words sometimes. Because a picture can say a thousand words.
- There will be (at least) four posts each month.
- There will be more shots from this tiny garden that I created with my bare hands.
- Even though I am extremely silent about my physical wellness routine, I will share a lot about healthy eating, how cooking for my family and friends bring me happiness, how a healthy exercise habit keeps me sane.
So see you around. ~ Happy New 2020. It’s just another decade, a decade where most probably Alexa will cook food for you, Siri will write your first drafts and choose the finest book cover with its efficient AI that you will know is safer than your emotional assertiveness, your self-driving car will fly and float, and your uber driver will be aware of all the virtual homes that you own. Most probably, you will have a thousand friends singing your birthday song in a real time three dimensional world, no matter where you are, how lonely you are in a corner, sad that you cannot taste that virtual cake, or feel the physical touch of a hug anymore.
It’s all possible.
And in the chaos, remember, there is always another choice.