Fingers in symphony

The decision that guilts me up even today.

So, back when my cat met with a freak accident late one night, he was perched up on his favorite place, a ledge between two balconies, when he slipped and fell.

We took him to the nearest vet, they kept him under observation for some time and then gave him some essential meds through IV and then told us he will be fine, he asked us to visit again the next morning to check if he has any injury.

Now, I am an overthinker, and he was the light of my life, I was all over the place, I must have pleaded with the vet to keep him under observation the whole night, but he assured me he will be fine.

I was as usual overthinking and kept thinking about all the things that could go wrong, but then we finally decided to go home and come back the next morning.

I was awake till the wee hours and kept checking on him every hour or so, he was trying to hide himself from me, he was also heavily sedated and had to be carried, but he tried to move away from me. He was also pooping everywhere, and at one point I told the powers that be that he can poop anywhere he pleases for the rest of his life and that I will not be mad at him.

At around 3 am I checked him and there was some fresh blood under his nose, panicking I called his vet who would’ve been fast asleep. I then called up a vet hospital helpline and someone finally answered, I told him everything and he asked me to check for any more bleeding and blood in his poop.

My disaster-trained overwrought brain was telling me to take him to the hospital then, but it was experience that kept warning me that I was overthinking, that I should listen to the vets, take him as instructed, get some sleep, that I wasn’t thinking straight.

It would be around 6 am when my eyes began to shut on their own, I resolved to wake up within 15 minutes.

I woke up around 7 am, and he wasn’t around.

He was found 5 min later in the spare room, he was having seizures, he saw me and then managed a weak ‘meow’ and then was still.

We got him in the car and drove him to the vet, he was declared dead on arrival.

The hardest decision for me would always be not listening to my instinct .